He has lost interest all of a sudden

I just read an article that really put light to the unfair standards expected of women in relationships these days. I ask myself how society, or whoever came up with these rules, got here.

We all know the typical story. Boy meets girl. Boy is very interested and into girl, but girl is reluctant about pushing anything with the guy. Guy calls everyday, takes girl  on a few dates and seems to be so into the lady. Eventually, girl starts falling for the guy and BOOM!! Guy starts to lose interest and distance himself. So many times, we ask ourselves what went wrong.

The article I just read stated that the reason men are suddenly turned off in such situations is that they are all of a sudden overwhelmed with the woman's unexpected emotional reciprocity to their wooing. Really? What was the lady supposed to do? stay emotionless? Why are you wooing the lady if you don't expect her to like you back. Is there even anything as liking your partner "too much" in a "genuine" relationship? I think the men should be happy and excited that the lady has grown to like them back that much. Isn't that what you wanted in the first place? So it's okay for a man to show emotions, but not okay for a woman? the woman who fearlessly exposes her emotions is seen as "desperate" while it's okay for the man who sprung her along to feel overwhelmed? Lies!! I will say he wasn't that into you in the first place.

The number one reason why this happens is because the man isn't ready. Common sense tells me a man who is ready will be excited to find a woman who is into him. The most rampant reason why men string women like this is sex. He definitely just wants to get into your pants and wasn't expecting you to like him back that much. Therefore, he fears and gets overwhelmed when you start to express your emotions.

Dear, hurting lady. There is nothing wrong with you. Wipe your tears and move on. If he didn't see the genuineness in you, then he doesn't deserve you. A man who is into you and is ready, will love you right back. Don't become an angry woman towards all potential suitors because you are trying to meet society's standard of expressing your emotions. If you love him, tell him. If u miss him text him. How he reacts to your emotions at this stage will indicate to you how he really feels. And trust me, it is better to know earlier than later. If he feels turned off by your emotions so soon, he ain't ready. Drop him instantly and move on. Yeah, I know. It hurts. But you will be fine, and that will make you available for the right man to find you. Good luck.

I Feel Your Pain

Recently, I've had a couple of friends, including myself, going through some challenges. Every time we meet each other, I noticed there is a tendency to tell whoever narrating her ordeal "I feel your pain." I recently uttered these words to a friend and right after I did, I felt this really weird thought run through my mind. I asked myself: Do I really feel her pain? Yes I do, I tried to convince myself. After all, I've been through a similar ordeal and I didn't die. I definitely feel her pain. Right?

I have this friend of mine who is quite well established. I noticed that every time someone or even myself told her about something they were going through, she would always make it sound like your problem is not that bad or you are blowing it out of proportion because "she feels your pain" from her past struggle. She will sympathize with you though; very sweet girl. Not too long ago, I was hanging out with her and some other friend, when she started talking about some pain she gets in her body. We suffer the same ordeal so I understood how painful it was. However, our other friend who said she goes through the same  pain said that my friend was exaggerating on how painful it is because she puts up with it very well. My friend got very angry to the point of crying, saying our other friend was being very insensitive to state a thing like that because that ordeal is very painful and she definitely isn't exaggerating. Wow!!I was quite surprised at her reaction because I always thought she was a super woman. She "feels" everybody's pain and its never that bad.

This brings us back to the issue. Do we really "feel" other people's pain? I don't think so. You can only imagine, not feel. Two people may wear the exact same shoe that hurt the feet of one but not the other. Even though these people wore the same shoes, they definitely didn't feel each other's pain. Never assume you feel another's pain simply because you have walked in their shoe. Unless your nerves are connected to the nerves in their feet, you still do not understand what they go through. Think twice before you pass judgment on a person's struggle. You never feel it. You only imagine it.

TRUSTING GOD'S TIMING!!!

So I went to church last Sunday. My pastor preached a powerful message and I’ve just had this message burning in my heart. I started typing it out right after church (that's about five days ago) but something kinda held me back and it remained in my draft folder. Well, long story short, I've not been able to get it off my mind since then. So woke I up this morning and declared the devil a liar by deciding to publish this. The word of God never goes out and returns void. I know someone out here needs to hear this.

How many of us have ever been in a situation where we need something so bad, I mean like ASAP, and we pray about it and give God conditions and a time frame to answer  our request. You know the kind of prayer that goes: Oh God, if I don't get the money by next week Monday, in the morning, it would be too late. Oh God, if I don't pass that exam, with an A, I will be very disappointed. Oh God, I have to find my Mr. Right this year; the tall one with a six pack, dimples, and a six figure account with Barclays LOL!!! (Shout out to my girl Yvonne Nelson, this is a line from one of her movies 4play. You can watch it for free on http://irokotv.com/search?term=4play. Very interesting movie, btw). Yeah, a lot of us, including myself, have prayed prayers like this and most often than not, they are not answered, or sometimes they are answered, but not with our conditions or within our time frame. This is because God is God and his plans are not our plans. The Bible says before we were conceived, he knew every single detail about us. His plans for us are exceedingly, above, and beyond what we can ever ask or imagine; plans to prosper us. On the other hand, one may argue that the bible also says that he will give us anything we ask if we only ask in his name. You are right! The Bible also says all things work for good for they that love God. Nothing happens in your life by chance, even the bad ones. So why does God not answer on time, nope, at our time and with our conditions?

1) Because God wants to take glory from our situation. He is testing our faith and patience.

We all know the woman in the Bible who suffered from hemorrhage for twelve years (abi the woman try oh, small three days deh almost send me to early grave. Then twelve years? Tofi akwa! LOL). She had spent everything she had, prayed all sorts of prayers, yet her situation worsened every day. (See, Luke 8:40-50)  I wonder how it felt; I’m sure she felt like God's receiver was always on mute when she prayed. Nevertheless, she never gave up, but held unto her faith. One day she heard that Jesus was in town. There was this huge crowd around him and she could barely make it through. She managed and touched the master's garment, believing that if she only touched, she will be healed. The Bible says the flow of blood immediately seized at the touch. This woman waited twelve years for her break through, and even at the last minute, there was still a crowd hindering her from getting to her blessing. She didn't give up. Most of us will give up our faith at the last minute at the site of a crowd and fail God's test. The crowd in your life may be that exam you have taken 10 times and never passed. May be the 11th is your breakthrough moment, but because God didn't answer the 10th time, you gave up your faith and missed your blessing. It could be a series of bad relationships you've been in and you've been praying to God for a husband. Because God didn't give you that six pack guy, you give up your faith, assume "miss independent" status (amuna Ms. Independent, you know you hate being single, lol) and scare away every potential suitor, including the God sent one. Be patient, keep your faith and let God take glory from your situation. Delay is not denial.

2) Sometimes it's not God holding back, it’s our stubbornness.

God says he wants you to an engineer, you say nooooooo, you want to be a fashion wannabe designer. Your prayers are not being answered because you are not where God wants you to be. We all know the story of Jonah whom God called to preach to the people of Nineveh (See, Jonah 1 – 4). But Mr. Sense pass king (Jonah) him decide say nah runaway he want be. Hmmm talking about runway. I use to be a runaway myself Oh! I attended a boarding school in Cameroon called Saker Baptist College. My first year was horrible. Come and see cry!! I hated the place so much I attempted to run away many times. One day, I tried to run away. This one was not as silent as the others oh, the whole school came out (about one thousand girls) The discipline master wooped the hell outa me, and from that day I learned that I didn't only have to love Saker, I had to stay in Saker.  I finally stayed in Saker for five year and today, I am a proud SAKERETTE!!! (shout out to my Saker rats and cats out there, lol). So, back to Jonah. God threw him into a massive storm, tossed him in the belly of a fish (Eeeeew!! I can imagine how creepy that was) until he was willing to do what God wanted him to do. Yes, you quit engineering school to do fashion designing, yet you can't create one sensible design, you can't even sell your inventory. Five years down the line and you are still at the Facebook stage, broke as a monk. It’s not that those making it are better than you. Maybe some of your designs are better than their’s, but your's never sells. Your whole situation feels like a storm; like God has put you in the belly of a fish. Uh huh, that's exactly where you are. Just like Jonah, God may be sending a message to you, telling you this is not what I've called you to be or do. You need to seek God and ask him what your calling is.

3) We are trying to help God answer our prayer.

Hhahahahahaha (claps hands) seriously people? Me sef  I’m guilty of this one oh, no mind as I deh laf like dis, lol. So we really think we can help God? We are the perfect examples of paper tigers before God; powerless power. Ok, so you've been praying to God for your business to prosper so you can reinvest your profits and grow the business. Yea, profit has been coming in, but not as much or as fast you want it to be. So you think God is too slow and you decide to help God answer your prayer. Na e way you go take this massive loan from bank. All your profits start to go towards paying that loan. Progress was at least slow before, but now it is stagnant because there is no left over to reinvest. This situation is very similar to that of Abraham and Sarah in the Bible (See, Genesis 16). God promised them that he was going to give them a son. Year after year, no child. So, Madam Sarah lay her faith aside and decided to help God answer her prayer for a child. Na e weh she take Hagar, her maid, give am to her husband, Abraham, to chop soya with (nah wah oh, she get heart, lol). So Hagar gets pregnant and gives birth to a son, Ishmael. Sarah thought her promised son had finally arrived. Oh boy! Was she wrong? Come and see problems. Hagar started to despise her oh and Sarah became very unhappy in her home. I tell you, when God blesses you, he adds no sorrow to it. Ishmael could not have been the promised child because he brought sorrow to Sarah’s home. At the appointed time, Sarah got pregnant and gave birth to Isaac. He was the promised child. Are you helping God answer your prayer? Well, it cannot be over emphasized, S.T.O.P!!! Let him take his glory. He is a jealous God and does not share his glory with anyone. Even if he had to, it wouldn't be with sinners like us.

God is God people. Do not limit or delay his blessings for your life by giving him conditions and a time frame. His plans for your life shall come to pass, and I guarantee it wouldn't be one milli second late. Everything will fall in place like a puzzle if you just keep your faith and trust his timing.

Yeah I knooooow, this has been one hell of long post, but I’m glad it's out of my chest. I'm also so proud of myself because I’ve never shared the word of God like this. God is good!!!

LIFTING AS WE CLIMB!!!

 

I know a story of a boy who came from a very affluent family of intellectuals. His father and mother were one of the most educated and succesful people in the community. They had made a name for themselves and expected suit from their children. This boy attended the best and most expensive schools, with his needs catered to the least. All his parents expected from him was to study and be as succesful or better than they were. He wasn't the smartest of his siblings and always barely made it in exams (he never failed though). His parents and others who knew how well his siblings were doing, constantly compared him to them and other smarter (or should I say "better grade") kids. They will tell him things like he was not as good as the other kids; he is the way he is because he is lazy. To add insult to injury, his teachers told him the same thing at school. He told me that at one time when he was in college, his father told him that he wrote worse than a middle school child. His self esteem gradually faded over time and he always thought he would never succeed like others because he wasn't as good as them. One day, a random staff at his school stumbled on a paper he wrote and told him he was a phenomenal writer and that he will make alot of money if he built a carreer on writing. Holy Cow!!! This boy was shocked. He always thought he was the worst student this world had ever produced. He immediately felt this sense of confidence and enthusiasm. He took the compliment at heart and began to write more often. Today, this boy is a millionaire professional writer and CEO of a major blossoming company in Africa.

 

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we lifted each other?  The problem with society today is that most of us are seasoned Phd (PULL HE/SHE DOWN) holders. We are not only adamant to the needs of others, but we will do anything to pull them down. Most of us, succesful people, carry our accomplishment and success on our heads like huge Nigerian Geles (an extremely huge head scarf) and use it to block or obscure other peoples view of success. Like my people say, extinguishing another man's fire does not make yours shine brighter or longer. As a matter of fact, a candle you light today may revive your's when it quenches. If we don't help light each other's candles, the world would be a dark place when every other person's fire is extinguished.

 

Therefore, lets strive to lift each other as we climb. Helping another person up the ladder doesn't need to be a big deal. A little sentence of encouragement could catapult a person from a zero to a hero (like our boy). You don't have to buy a house for the homeless man down the street. Just giving him your left over dinner would lift him from hunger to fullness. You may not have a dollar to donate to the kid suffering from cancer, but you can tell them they still look beautiful even though they've lost all their hair to chemo.

On the other hand, sometimes we subconciously or unitentionally pull each other down. I'm sure our boy's parents said all they said in good faith because they wanted him to succeed. They didn't realise the damage they were causing in his mind. Therefore, before we speak, lets think!!! If you have to start a sentence with "I dont mean to hurt you," or "I don't mean to discourage you," then it is probably hurtful or discouraging. You either not say it at all, or find a better way to say it.

 

Life is good people, let's lift as we climb and make the world a better place.